Everyone knows someone who has or has had breast cancer. For many people, knowing what to say or how to help is an enigma. Friends and family members don't want to sound trite or belittle what the cancer patient is undergoing, and they often don’t know what to say or do.
How to Act Around a Cancer Patient
Realize that there will be days –and very long nights – when nothing goes right. If you can help your loved one laugh about it, you will be helping a great deal!
Be honest without being brutal. When overwhelmed, take a time out rather than add to a difficult situation. Avoiding problems will not make them go away.
Don’t try to do or say all of these suggestions in a short amount of time. It will be overwhelming to the person you love and could put you years behind on your “To Do” list.
Important Things to Talk About
Nobody likes to talk about hard things! When things are difficult we often tend to stick with topics less painful like the weather and sports. Yet sometimes we have to “talk turkey”. When someone has a life-threatening disease – and that’s what cancer often is – talking about it is usually helpful. If talking about cancer is difficult, it may be easier to talk about your fearful feelings. It may be a surprise to discover your beloved is feeling the same way! Not talking about what is scary just makes things worse.
Death is often a common fear associated with cancer. We are mortal creatures and all have to die some time. Talking about it with someone who loves you makes it easier. Remember, this may be a time when the cancer victim is overwhelmed with emotions. Be sure you are able to be supportive so they don’t have to be the strong shoulder you need for crying.
Preparing for death – from writing legal documents to sorting through saved stuff – can be overwhelming for those already overloaded and stressed due to medical issues. In this case, taking notes or making a list while the patient talks can be beneficial. Many people process events by hearing themselves talk. Active listening, a process of repeating what another person said using different words, is often useful.
Ask if your friend needs personal things handled that only someone close would be comfortable doing. From soothing on creams during radiation to standing nearby (and cleaning up afterwards) during chemo-induced vomiting, a loving hand is gratefully appreciated. Shopping for special needs undergarments may be especially appreciated.
If children are part of the cancer patient's family, offer to help the patient talk to the children about what is happening. There are some excellent books written for children that help explain and cancer and teach coping methods.
Unusual Things to do for a Breast Cancer Patient
Pets are wonderful companions for people who are sick. Unfortunately, caring for a pet is not so wonderful for someone who is very sick. Offer to provide care for the pet and let the patient enjoy the fun times.
Create an album of pictures of the best times of your life with your loved one. There are several online companies including Costco, who charge reasonable prices for making a real book.
Offer to be the spokesperson on a website like CaringBridge and post weekly updates after a phone call or visit to see what the patient would like to share. Be careful to protect their privacy and discuss confidentiality issues prior to beginning this task.
Provide insurance form-filling out services. This can be a nightmare! The patient should keep an updated record of all – prescription and over-the-counter – medicines being taken. For many cancer patients, that list may change almost daily. Other records which should be kept and updated as needed are lists of surgeries, allergies (which often change while going through treatment), and treatment providers with contact numbers.
Get several friends together to have a head-shearing party and then head for a wig salon to let the patient select a new head of hair (if discussed in advance, perhaps paid for by the friends).
Of course, making hot meals of nutritious foods, driving to medical appointments, sending cards or flowers, and listening are all welcome ways to serve. Other ways to help include doing any of the mundane household chores that get us all down: shopping, laundry, dishes, vacuuming.
Regardless of how you choose to help a friend with cancer, know that being willing and available are the keys to success and love covers a multitude of mistakes.
Mistie Shaw - Writing for nearly half a century, Shaw's interests and education meander from music to the military, and from faith to fun.
Join the Conversation