There are many different viewpoints regarding the best way to live the expat life. Some people cling to the culture, traditions and lifestyle they enjoyed before moving abroad. They stay on campus or a military base, surrounded by walls – literal, figurative or both – and strive to re-create home in their new environment.
Yet, for many expats, the experience of living in a different culture is improved by casting off the shackles of life as they've always known it – back home – and "going native". Acceptance by a new peer group usually requires assimilation. Integration is achieved more rapidly when differences are forgotten.
Hints on How to Fit in When Living in a New Culture
Children have no problem making friends, even when there are language barriers. Youngsters become assimilated primarily though play. Unfortunately, adults are not as capable of doing the things that make integration easy.
The following hints are based on practical suggestions from veteran expats.
- Don't be afraid to try. Natives usually appreciate an expat's willingness to look foolish or risk discomfort in an attempt to make new sounds, eat unusual foods or understand local humor. Try to learn the language.
- Shop at the same stores, wear some of the same types of clothing, join in age-appropriate local leisure-time pursuits whether it be music or sports.
- Use the same modes of transportation. If your associates primarily ride buses and bikes, using a taxi most of the time will create barriers.
- Celebrate local and national holidays. Ask friends and co-workers about the historical background, traditional foods and activities normally associated with the special event.
- Visit nearby cultural and historical sites.
- Ask about folk tales and child-rearing practices. Ask a trustworthy adult about regional words, symbols or gestures that have different meanings.
- Let your behavior be guided by local ethics and personal morals.
- Get involved in community activities. Attend a local faith-based institution.
To Be Accepted, Don't Do These Two Things
Doing all of the right things is only part of the picture. One major negative can wipe out a lot of good effort. First, don't compare the new country's living conditions with the way things were back home. Just like the old joke about the new husband who told his wife that his mom's cooking was better, in the mind of an expat, there's no place like home.
Constant comparisons – usually with "home" being rated better – can cause hurt feelings. Belittling living conditions or any aspect of life may reflect badly on the provider or the country. Comparing everything with the way it is back home also hurts the expat because they begin to live in a dream world rather than accepting reality as it is and getting on with the new way of living.
The second no-no is related to comparisons: don't whine. A person who whines is really saying they deserve better. Yet local people live in the same or worse circumstances and have little hope of improvement. It is difficult to be accepted when constant whining tells people you are better than they are.
Living in another country is an adventure and it helps to have a sense of humor. Learning to fit in can be humiliating or funny, depending on your perspective. Not everyone has the ability to succeed as an expat abroad. To see if you have the right stuff, read Red Flag Issues for Overseas Living and Wannabee Expats Abroad.
Mistie Shaw - Writing for nearly half a century, Shaw's interests and education meander from music to the military, and from faith to fun.
Join the Conversation