The old saying, “Time heals all wounds,” iscomforting but not necessarily true. A serious emotional injury is like a deep physical wound. It doesn’t heal properly without treatment and may – with time – become abscessed, festering under the surface skin until it poisons the whole body.
Accepting a perfunctory apology is polite but meaningless. Even though it is gracious, such polite behavior does not pave the way for healing.
In the Bible, Forgiveness is Required by God and Modeled by Jesus
Many people do not understand biblical forgiveness. In Matthew 6:12, where Jesus is teaching his disciples to pray, he says, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” (King James Version) A couple of verses later is the explanation, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15, King James Version) That means if we do not forgive those who harm us, God will not forgive us. If we begrudgingly or half-heartedly forgive – which isn’t really forgiving – should we expect anything different from God?
The Bible also says that while he was dying on the cross, Jesus prayed, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34, King James Version) Jesus asked God to forgive the soldiers who nailed him to the cross. This example shows that regardless of the injury, a biblical Christian must be forgiving.
Even Though Forgiven, Payback for Wrongs Will be Handled by God
King David, the passionate writer of many Psalms, was specific and graphic when he begged God to punish people who had done wrong. “God, smash their teeth to bits. . . Let them dissolve into snail slime, be a miscarried fetus that never sees sunlight.” (Psalms 58:6-8, The Message) He trusted that a just God's vengeance was sufficient.
Christians believe that God is just and justice cannot be overlooked for the sake of love. So, even though God-followers are told to forgive, they are reminded – repeatedly – that God will extract payment for wrongs committed. “God has warned us. . .He was quite explicit: ‘Vengeance is mine, and I won't overlook a thing,’ . . .Nobody's getting by with anything, believe me.” (Hebrews 10:30-31, The Message)
Christians must forgive those who harm them, but the attitude of forgiveness comes easier when one knows that God will punish the wrongdoer. There’s just one catch. All Christians are forgiven for their sins and the payment has already been made by Jesus’ death. So a Christian who has wronged another Christian will not be punished, however he or she will have to face the natural consequences of his or her actions.
Sample Christian Prayer Asking for Help with Forgiveness
Forgiveness cannot be generalized. It must be specific about the who, what and why. A one-size-fits-all sample prayer cannot work as well as one with specifics; so, this prayer requires the addition of names, events and a mention of the harm done.
“Holy and just God,
“I have been hurt by [name] and at this moment, I don’t feel like forgiving [him/her]. Like David, I want my enemy to suffer, to be tormented and to feel pain like I’m feeling. I want retribution.
“Your Word says that you will avenge your children, so I believe you will make [name] pay for [what they have done] and [how this has hurt you].
“Knowing that you are just, i am satisfied that the wrong done to me will be recompensed and so I forgive [name]. I give up my right to condemn or extract repayment from [him/her] and even though you will determine how [name] will pay for this wrong, I ask that you forgive [him/her] too.
“[Name] did not act alone. [Mention the names of everyone who knew what happened] knew about this and could have stopped it, but did not. I forgive [him/her/them] also.
“Your Word also says that when we are wronged we should ‘turn the other cheek’. If it is not destructive for me to continue having a relationship with [name], heal our relationship. It is only through the healing of forgiveness that i will be able to make myself vulnerable to [him/her] again. Thank you for helping me start on the road to healing.
“Your Spirit prompts me to confess that part of this incident was my responsibility. Allow me to see things from your perspective, and help me to be honest as I consider what I did. Please forgive me for [be specific about how you contributed to what happened].
“Let forgiveness be more than a band-aid over my injury. Remove any bitterness or anger that is associated with [what happened].
“Thank you for being a just and loving God who protects and comforts, a God of forgiveness and healing.
“I pray in the name of the One Who showed by example how to forgive His enemies.
“Amen.”
Prayer is nothing more – or less – than conversation with God. Anyone can do it, any time, any place.
God wants biblical Christians to forgive people who hurt them and to be real and honest in prayer. Not forgiving a wrongdoer prevents a victim from healing but asking God to insure that justice is done allows believers to forgive and heal. Sometimes it is better to not continue in a relationship if it is unhealthy. For help making choices, see A Christian Prayer for Wisdom to Make Decisions.
Mistie Shaw - Writing for nearly half a century, Shaw's interests and education meander from music to the military, and from faith to fun.
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