When a young couple is in love, they are miserable when circumstances force them to be away from each other. When married, even if the relationship isn't perfect, temporary separations may feel uncomfortable. A bed that usually holds two people feels huge when there's only one in it.
The death of one-half of a couple is difficult for the other half. A relationship has been broken. Habits, traditions, and rituals all seem unbalanced and precarious, like a bridge that is only attached to land on one end. A death may cause someone's life to change quickly making it difficult to adjust, to cope with the new reality.
A Suggested Christian Prayer After the Death of a Spouse
Christians know that God can help when their world is falling apart. Prayer is the means to ask for help, but even praying may feel awkward. At such times, a sample prayer like this may be helpful to bridge the time of adjustment:
"Regardless of preparation or forewarning, here I am, surprised by the sudden reality of once again being a single entity. God, do you still recognize me when I am but half of the us that used to approach Your throne? I am the one that remains on earth, alone.
"Death shreds the very fabric of coupleness; it renders embodied intimacy an impossibility. The gaping wound where we were once bound together is bleeding profusely and I have no idea how to stop it. My grieving heart guides my mind as it races from one imaged memory to another, wishing I could repeat life as easily as my mind replays the past.
"Dare I admit to You that I feel angry? Why must I be the one left standing here alone? How can I look at all the tight-lipped faces that mask the fear of death we all share? You have taken my life partner, why must I continue to live?
"Is my heaviness due to the departure of one who was as much a part of me as my very self or is it self pity camouflaged as righteous mourning? Is this cloud that surrounds me black with despair because I feel abandoned and condemned to pull a yoke made for two?
"Amid my many thoughts and feelings I find traces of thanksgiving that my beloved is now made perfect and complete, healthily celebrating new life after death. Even though we will no longer need each other to be complete, I pray that we may be together soon.
"Oh, forgive me gracious God. You are the Creator and the Sustainer of life. The pain of loss is only partially eased by the intellectual understanding that You, God, are in control. All too often divine destiny is neither understood nor simple to bear; give me faith to believe in Your goodness and peace to accept the path that lies before me. Oh God, help me discern how I may best serve Your purpose in this unchosen state and guide me as I begin the journey with faltering steps.
"In the name of Him Who was torn from a loving Trinitarian union to become human, the One who remained single-minded to steadfastly embrace His purpose for living. Amen."
How to Use a Sample Christian Prayer
Thanksgiving, praise, honesty about fear and anger -- all of these things are a part of prayer. Praying for God's help does not have to be polite, nice or kind. God knows the feelings and thoughts of every person, and God loves each person regardless of those thoughts and feelings. The ability to be honest with God when it seems like nobody else can take the brutality of truth is a relief.
Change the prayer. Add or subtract parts of it to engender a sense of ownership. A sample prayer is only the starting place. Use it until new words take its place, until the healing hand of God begins to put new feelings and thoughts in the broken heart. Find a grief support group and share the prayer with other members who are struggling. Although saying a prayer repetitiously is not usually considered helpful in most protestant churches, it's okay to memorize the parts that help the most and repeat them when troubled.
Also, A Christian Prayer for Wisdom to Make Decisions and A Christian Prayer for When Sick and Alone may be helpful for people who are suddenly single again.
Mistie Shaw - Writing for nearly half a century, Shaw's interests and education meander from music to the military, and from faith to fun.
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